Thursday, October 16, 2014

Ultrasound Day!

October 16, 2014
Thursday…..the day I had been waiting for eagerly, anxiously, expectantly for 2 weeks. Our ultrasound to discover if our identical twins were mono-mono or mono-di was finally here! We had been praying constantly for mono-di twins, and had been praying with the kids for healthy babies. They were running late at the clinic, which is not normal for them, but when we finally got in to the room, we were with (one of our) favorite nurse. She started the ultrasound, and we could immediately by her expression that something was wrong…and then she turned the screen. She told us she was going to go get the dr, and then told us that she wasn’t finding heartbeats…on either of the babies. The dr came in, they did the ultrasound again, and he confirmed her findings. Neither of our babies hearts were beating. Both babies were measuring on schedule… 8 1/2 weeks, but neither one of them had a beating heart.

I am believing that it was a God thing that our clinic was running late that day. I think that the babies hearts stopped beating while we were waiting. If we hadn’t had to wait, we may have witnessed their hearts stop beating and not been able to do anything about it, or we may have seen 2 perfectly healthy little babies and found out at the next appointment. 

Telling our kids that the babies weren’t going to be born was so hard…for us. The kids took it really well…asking a million questions, “Why are you sad? The babies are in heaven with Jesus. We’ll see them again.” <3 and “Why did the babies die?” and “Jesus can bring both babies back to us.” <3 My little sweet tender hearted kids have a better understanding of this than most adults, including me. I don’t think Jesus WILL bring both babies back to us (right now), but YES, he can!

Now…we just wait, and I think that might be worse than hearing the news. Still thinking that maybe, just maybe, the babies are okay….and then thinking that every pain could be the start of physically losing them… I’m still wanting to wake up and realize this whole thing is a dream.

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