Friday, October 16, 2015

Choosing JOY

One year ago, I woke up nauseas (completely normal), ready for our ultrasound and to see the babies again. We had a LONG wait at the doctor's office, which is completely abnormal. When the nurse did our ultrasound, I could tell by the look on her face that something was wrong. She sadly told us, "I can't find heartbeats." I was in such shock I couldn't even cry. It never even crossed my mind that we could lose both of our babies...especially in the same instant. From the way they measured, how I was feeling, and the long wait in the waiting room, I am convinced they lost their heartbeats while I was in the waiting room. I'll never know for sure, but that has always been my gut feeling.

I will forever be thankful to our doctor's office for the way they handled our loss! And I'm so grateful to our friends and family for their support!

Today, we have decided to have a family day and to be grateful for our wonderful blessings. We'll have lunch at school with our firstborn daughters; we'll spend the day with our son; we'll write thank you notes and deliver cupcakes to the amazing staff at MidIowa Fertility; we'll have a pizza movie night with our kids; and we will rejoice for God's amazing grace and other blessings in our life.

We'll always mourn the loss of our twin babies, and I'm sure there will still be days of struggle, bitterness, and anger about the way things happened. TODAY, I choose joy. I have let bitterness and anger control me for far too long. TODAY, I choose to forgive. I choose to have JOY. I will choose daily, sometimes moment by moment to forgive, to move on, and to love.